You will never understand yourself through reason alone. You must descend into the recesses of your mind, into the abyss of the irrational. You must be overwhelmed by your own emotions, good and bad. Man is an animal, a beast, evolved to hunt and kill. Once you realize this, once you accept the beast within you and learn to live with it, then you will understand yourself. But you must first embrace the beast, you must let it consume you. Only then can you understand the beast, only then can you understand yourself!
When you feel you are ready, you can ascend back to the height of reason. But remember the abyss below will always remain. You will always be a slave to irrationality, to impulse and instinct. There is no escaping that, there is only accepting. Man is an animal, a beast, do not deny this fact! Do not try to be more than human, accept that you are human.